In which Captain Kirk is cold
by Lettingoffsteam
Summary: Um...Kirk marooned on an ice planet (not the one from the movie) after a botched mission; and also, hurt/comfort goodness with hypothermic Jim to come! Please review, it is my motivation to continue and (sidenote) it would also make my day!
1. Chapter 1

_I'm cold, and because I'm in a fic-y frame of mind, this is happening. I haven't forgotten about my other story, it'll be updated by tomorrow!_

_Disclaimer: Star Trek belongs to Gene Roddenberry. Nutrek belongs to JJ Abrams._

_I am just a simple fangirl who owns nothing._

_OH and this isn't the ice planet from the movie; Kirk just has the rare misfortune of being marooned in a cold place full of monsters again in this fic…_

* * *

There was silence, disturbed only by the occasional soft patter of a heavy accumulation of snow falling from an ice shelf.

As far as the eye could see, that was, if there were any eyes to see the view at all, black snow drifted in an endless sheet across the inhospitable grey planet.

And, in fact, there was a solitary pair of eyes surveying the scene with a particular disdain.

They (the eyes in question), were of a blue not commonly seen within four star systems of this insignificant little rock by the name of K'thnorodutd'rkin. The eyes had the misfortune of being attached to one Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the Starship _Enterprise_, who had been marooned there for several hours, and was beginning to suspect that hypothermia was the least of his worries, despite his inadequate apparel.

This was evidenced by both his tense stance and his clenched fists. Oh, and the screaming.

The screaming, along with the body language he displayed, was most likely in response to the rather large, and rather territorial Grak charging toward him in what could only be described as anger.

The Grak is not a friendly creature on the best of days, but the good Captain had, regrettably, come to find himself directly within the boundaries of the Grak's nesting area. As this Grak was already an irrationally irritable new mother, his placement was not ideal. That, combined with his coloration, which to a Grak, (a greyish species rather similar in base cellular composition to the product of a Terran spider and a Terran cookie-cutter shark when bred under optimum mating conditions, but closer in size and weight to a Terran blue whale), was a signal of disrespect, verging on direct personal insult, made Captain Kirk one unlucky fellow.

Thus, despite being attractive enough to the opposite sex of his own species, (in notable part due to the precise hue and intensity of his eyes) to 'charm' his way out of many delicate and awkward situations, in this instance, the peripheral characteristics of Captain James Tiberius Kirk (of the Starship _Enterprise)_ caused feelings of disgust, anxiety and anger in this individual female.

And thus, much because of the colour of his eyes, along with his skin colour, and the bright gold command shirt he wore, which stood in stark relief to the ebony of the snow cover, Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the Starship _Enterprise_ was now running for his life away from an angry female. _That_ was not a new experience in the least; however, previously the female had never been quite as large, nor quite as ugly as the pursuing Grak.

Kirk's breath came out unchecked in intermittent gasps as he ran, heedless of direction or landmark.

As he ran, he ran through a list of people he would have incarcerated on his return.

_Definitely_ the pointy-eared bastard, _probably_ Uhura; _maybe_ not Bones. Although if it weren't for Bones' curiosity, he would be safely aboard the _Enterprise_ right now, asleep in his warm, cosy bed. So, he supposed, Bones was absolutely going to be castigated on his return.

Scotty certainly deserved some sort of horrible punishment. Preferably public and embarrassing.

He tripped and almost fell on a snow-covered rock, checking himself just before he face-planted and ended his Captaincy abruptly.

He'd always thought he would go down with his ship, in some grand gesture, or simply expire peacefully in the sack. But now, he was almost certain it would be death by this weird blotchy tooth-spider thing. Whatever would they write as his epitaph? Here lies the Captain, mauled by a Grak, we left him stranded on some stupid planet because we're idiots, and he never came back. He would have to remember that for…his tombstone.

By now his legs were screaming, his lungs burning and his heart about to explode, and he'd finally lost the big scary monster (who would most likely be offended at the description, being a highly emotionally sensitive sentient being, who might even have understood the Captain's predicament if he had only taken the time to learn Graktuscian in his earlier years).

However, despite his exercise, he could feel the icy chill of the planet cutting through the inadequate material of his shirt and pants, and knew that if he didn't procure additional garments, he would eventually freeze and die, and then they wouldn't even know what to write on his gravestone If he even got a traditional burial from the stingy Starfleet command). He slowed to a jog, trying to ignore the heaviness in his limbs, focusing instead on how much he was going to make each individual member of his crew pay for this.

It had started simply enough…

* * *

Another cliffhanger, because I suck!

Please review; it would make my life, and me continue.


	2. Chapter 2

I own nothing, and um...this is more for entertainment and squirming Kirk than an explanation for his predicament...hope you enjoy it though!

There'll be more soon (hopefully), just started back at school/work so I've been pretty busy and neglecting my stories .

* * *

It had started out simply enough.

"Sir, we're getting some…strange readings. I don't understand what I'm seeing here," the vigilant human helmsman, Sulu, declared uncertainly.

"Okay, well what _are_ you seeing?"

"Um…I don't know."

"Could you try to clarify just slightly more? What do the readings say?"

"Sir…"

"What?!" The Captain rose from his chair, visibly agitated.

There was a sudden chorus of stifled giggles from the bridge.

"Okay, this is serious, stop that. Now, Sulu, tell me what's going on."

"Um, Captain. It appears to be…a message for you."

"Uh…what?"

The doors to the bridge opened, admitting the surly doctor, who charged up to Jim, almost perceptibly fuming. "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not your personal answer machine!"

Jim stepped back, raising his hands in the universal gesture of 'it wasn't me'. "What the hell is going on, Bones?"

"What's going on is that I just got a call from someone telling me to pass on to you that 'you are the best captain', and they hope to 'see you soon' for some 'pleasurable entertainment'. Now who the hell was it?"

Jim blinked several times in rapid succession.

"Well?" Growled Bones.

"Give me a second. I'm thinking," and indeed he was running through a list of his recent trysts. "Sulu, what _exactly_ does the message say?"

"Well, sir…maybe you should read it for yourself. It's on all the scanners here."

"Just tell me, dammit."

Sulu cleared his throat. "'Hey big boy, I admire you greatly, come back to mine and I promise you won't be disappointed. Please respond, I wish to be in contact with you soon in a receptive but alluringly threatening way.'"

Jim's eyes flicked up to where Sulu sat, completely bloodless.

"That's what it actually says?"

"Yes, sir."

"Okay, Bones," he said, turning to the Doctor, "I need to know everything you can tell me about that voice."

"Dammit Jim-"

"Look, I don't know who this is," he turned outward, to the rest of the bridge crew, "but until I do, we're treating any incoming messages as hostile. They've managed to access the scanners directly, and that's never a positive thing. So can you work with me here? I'm as much in the dark as you are."

The first officer, Spock, a Vulcan of some note, rose from his chair and strode toward the captain.

"Sir, from the nature of these messages, I would assume that you have some knowledge of the identity of the source. Is this assumption correct?"

"Spock, look," Jim said, rubbing his eyes, "I have a lot of enemies. None that I know of who would send that sort of message, but I can't rule out the possibility that someone is trying to play me."

"'Play' you? In what way? Please clarify."

"Well, I can only assume that they want the crew thinking this is just some past hook-up coming back to haunt me. But I don't think so. Who says 'big boy' anymore? I don't think that's even a thing. And that didn't even make any sense."

"Jim, why would they call me and not you?'

"I don't know, Bones. But what did the voice sound like?"

"Well, it was a woman."

"Oh, well done."

"Dammit Jim—"

"Okay, okay. What did she sound like? Human?"

"You mean to tell me you date outside your species?"

"I dabble. Now, was she human?"

"I think so."

"Old? Young?"

"Probably older than you, maybe…goddammit I don't know!"

"Please Bones. Work with me here."

"Captain, perhaps we should try to make contact with whoever sent the message." Spock spoke impassively.

"How, did she leave a communicator code?"

"Not that I know of, but we may be able to track the signal."

"Get on that."

Kirk sat down in his chair, sighing.

He didn't have to wait long before the next transmission.

Sulu began to read the message on the screen but the Captain interjected at "I long for your imminent entry into social intercourse with me."

His eyes flicked across the screen, widening slightly. This reaction, in conjunction with increased pupillary dilation, contraction of the Occipitofrontalis, Procerus, and Corrugator supercilii muscles of his forehead, and the red flush creeping into his cheeks, indicated a mixture of human emotions including embarrassment and confusion.

Captain Kirk shook his head.  
"I want to know who or what is sending these, and I want to know right now."  
After a second's pause, the view screen displayed the face of a rather attractive and fairly mature woman.  
Captain James Kirk faced the screen. He was about to open his mouth and deliver a cutting Captainly chastisement, but she began to speak first.  
"Captain Kirk, I request that you sensually and irresistibly hand over control of your ship to me, my darling."  
She paused for a second, and the Captain raised his eyebrows. "Just like that?"  
"Ooh, maybe we should have a little rough and tumble first, big boy."  
There were stifled giggles from behind Captain Kirk, and he shifted uncomfortably.  
It was particularly strange to see the woman's unwaveringly blank facial expression as she expelled archaic innuendo in her speech.  
"Uh, look, Miss…we don't know each other. If you're threatening this ship, I would prefer our communication to remain…uh…professional. You must have a reason to expect us to surrender, so what do you have to bargain with?"  
"Captain, it is our understanding that you frequently engage in sexual relations with other humanoids, particularly of the opposite sex. Thus we expect our communication to proceed more gregariously if this knowledge is taken into regard and implied within the context of this and previous missives for our benefit and your own false feelings of comfort and security."  
"Is it…something you can…uh…not do?" The Captain asked, taken aback.  
"Indubitably. That would be quite simple."  
There was a pause, in which the woman onscreen remained entirely inert, with her eyes closed.  
The bridge crew glanced around at each other.  
"Um, look. I want to know what's going on here." The Captain's voice was rather uncertain.  
"Ah, Captain Kirk. My most hated enemy. You will be but a pile of ashes in an hour if you do not surrender your ship and beam aboard my own for appalling torture and eventual death." The woman's eyes flickered open as she spoke.  
Kirk took a full step back. "Uh."  
"Hahaha, he quails in fear." Again, the expression of the woman remained neutral and unblinking. Her laugh was a staccato repetition of the same sound.  
"Tell me why I should surrender," the Captain said, somewhat recovered.  
"I have manpower you could not dream of, and weapons you can't possibly defeat, and I will hurt your emotions, and you will cry like a baby, you are no match for me."  
There was silence for some time.  
"Um."

* * *

Yeah I know, it probably doesn't seem to make sense (yet), but tell me what you think of the update!

Ugh also I think has fudged up my formatting. FML.


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